Barbie Mathis Studio: 123 Days, Day 19

Sometimes in the morning hours there is darkness inside and out, and everything feels uncertain. As it poured down rain outside, I was raining within wondering, what should I do now? I feel all alone, I keep working and working and I don't know what to do next. And, I don't know where the money is coming from...so I cry I out to God for help. And, then I start to think of Faith being "the assurance of things hoped for, evidence of things not seen". A glimmer of light starts to shine through my consciousness.

All of the self help books say to "Live in the Moment", and Don't Worry About Tomorrow, and Just Do the Next Best Thing. So, what do you do when you feel such uncertainty? Ask. Ask for Clarity, Ask: What is the best way I can__________? And, then make yourself available expecting to get the help you need. Julia Cameron in the Artist Way talked about "Showing up at the Page". Just start writing, or just look for that photo to paint, and throw some paint on paper. The next step will come to you, but you have to begin. I once heard an interview with Country Music Star, Travis Tritt. And, the person was asking him how he came up with his songs because at that time he had some big hits. Travis said he just got up everyday and sat down at the piano. He never knew what was going to happen, but if he didn't show up at the piano, his songs would never have been written. So, it seems to me that a Big Part of stepping from Darkness into Light is just showing up.

Lately, I've been seeking a different kind of Light--the kind of creative exhilaration that makes you go, "YES", that's it! I feel excited and alive while I'm painting, and this feels GREAT! So, as in many creative endeavors, I have to try something new, and it's a risk that people aren't going to get it. People may say, "But, that doesn't look like your style. Your realistic style is so much better."
However, I'm taking risks now, because I "have" to. So, at the risk of totally bombing (in the old sense of the word), here's what I've been doing...and, they're not done yet.

Remember how I poured paint on "Procrastination Day"?